Post 15: Letting go of how things are supposed to look
“The amount you suffer in life is directly related to how much you are resisting the fact that things are they way they are” ~ Bill Harris
There is a principle of happiness in the art of living with awareness that I learned a long time ago, and that was the principle of letting whatever happens be ok. At first glance this may seem like a lazy or not caring way to be. But to interpret it correctly means to allow for the fluidity of life, to not resist what is and to practice a non-attachment to an outcome.
How many times do we have this idea that something needs to look or be a certain way in order for us to be happy? And how many times do things or situations turn out different to what we wanted or expected? A lot of suffering comes from wanting something to be our way, to go as planned. The right job, the right relationship, the right holiday etc. We seem to have this attachment to if things look a certain way it must be right, it must be valid and worthy. We get this notion by comparing ourselves to other people. Well so and so are so successful in ( fill the blank ) so that’s what success looks like. If our success doesn’t match this then we may feel incomplete, that our success is not good enough.
Other people and external events shouldn’t be an indicator of your happiness or peace. If things need to be a certain way you most likely end up suffering. It doesn’t mean you can’t have preferences or set goals as to what you want to accomplish. It just means when things are not the way you want you can let go and keep working towards what you prefer, with a more fluid way of how that may look. Being open to numerous possibilities and not being too strict on how it’s supposed to look.
How many times have you achieved a goal or outcome and along the way it’s changed and you got something better than what you originally intended? This is a good example of going with the flow and still getting to the place you wanted to go. The job that you dreamed of not working out points you in the right direction towards another job. The relationship didn’t work out as you hoped for is a learning opportunity to attract a new and more aligned connection.
Also, it doesn’t mean you ignore challenging situations or when things go wrong as they do. It means you accept them and don’t resist them to cause unnecessary suffering. Instead you acknowledge their existence and look at finding solutions from a resourceful place. Accept what happens knowing you can change how you feel about it even when it feels uncomfortable.
Letting go of how things are supposed to look, opens you up to numerous possibilities and outcomes you may not have considered if you held on to rigidly formed beliefs. There is infinite possibility within the unknown and an innate wisdom in letting go of how life should look in order to be happy and at peace. Life is the adventure of not knowing and being open to the mystery however it’s meant to unfold.
Rob Ipsen